It's a date!: The boy who had more looks than balls

I speak for myself and myself only when I say one-night stands suck, or at least, most of the time. I genuinely don’t believe women get anything out of them unless they find a rare specimen that actually cares about their pleasure.

There are some men who get a sense of satisfaction from a job well done when they bring a woman to orgasm. But it’s rare and that’s why I don’t really bother with them. I can’t think of anything worse than bad sex and unfortunately, I have had quite a few questionable experiences.

I think in order to have toe-curling orgasms and sex that you will want to tell all your friends about, there has to be some sort of a connection between the two people. But if you enjoy getting lucky with random strangers and you do actually get lucky, then you do you boo - I’m rooting for you and I’m also a bit jealous.

When you Google 'rules of one-night stands', one of the sites that pops up, lists “Be clear about your intentions” as a first rule - so let me tell you about a 34-year-old boy who was anything but that.

John worked in real estate or something of that sort, and when I tell you that guy was chiselled by the Gods themselves, he really was. On his Tinder profile, he had photos of himself in a suit and playing rugby, both of which could definitely be described as a weakness of mine. Considering the experience I have had with rugby boys, I should’ve known better. But the photos didn’t do him justice at all and when he showed up to our date, I didn’t even recognise him. Yeah, that good.

Before I met John in person, I knew he wasn’t sure whether he was looking for anything serious, but he said that he was open to dating and seeing how things go. He explained how busy he was with his job which made relationships difficult, and I got that. He was, after all, talking to someone who basically has three full-time jobs.

I was at the stage where I was extremely determined to try new things, explore my sexuality and generally be more carefree, so I wanted to give it a go. The fact that he was an 11/10 definitely helped and after we spoke on the phone, the deal was sealed and I wanted to see where things would go even more.

We had a nice date and long story short, I ended up at his place. At that point, I had had a few drinks but I still wasn’t going to his with the intention of doing the deed. I’ve never been the kind of a person that plans these sorts of things and for me, it had to happen naturally as long as there was a “spark”.

And naturally, it did happen. I didn’t have that toe-curling orgasm, or actually one at all, but I had fun and I certainly blew John’s mind amongst other things. He asked me if I wanted to spend the night, but because I had work the next day, I was sensible enough to say no.

After that, we finished watching the movie that we had missed half of and then he called me an Uber so I could get home safe. I got a kiss goodbye with the words, “I’m busy next week but I would like to see you the week after” and off I went.

Well, after that night, John’s messages became less and less frequent and silly me tried to believe his excuses of being busy with work in the hope that he was not being just another f*cking player.

I eventually took off my rose-tinted glasses and realised that no one is that busy to not reply to your messages for days. See, I was over it at that point, but I guess all I wanted was for him to say "I don’t want to see you anymore" because to let go of things, I always need closure.

It’s quite obvious that he didn’t need to do much to get women to immediately drop their panties and spread their legs, so it really baffles me that he felt the need to lie his way into me. You would think that at the ripe old age of 34, he wouldn’t need to play games or lie, but that’s where you’re wrong. And if I wanted to play games, I’d take the Monopoly out, because I’d rather not play with my feelings.

When a few weeks went by with zero contact, I was over it, ready to take on the next challenge. One glass of wine too many, I downloaded the dating app happn and to my surprise, one of the first people I saw on there was, you guessed it, John.

The "beautiful" thing about Happn is that you can see when the person was last active, and the "I’m so busy with work" John was last online just a few hours before. So, I opened WhatsApp and messaged John to ‘close the door’ that he had already closed behind him without telling me. I got a dumb reply back, saying how busy he was and that he didn’t have time to date.

I’m not bitter about the situation as such - I am more bitter about the fact that people just can’t be honest. If anything, I appreciate honesty more. You could tell me the most heartbreaking thing ever and I’d still appreciate that more than a lie to spare my feelings.

Have I learnt a lesson? Maybe not to trust men as much, but also that some people just won’t be clear about their intentions, so I really need to start looking more closely for the warning signs.

Until next time,


If you want to read more about Janet’s dating experiences, you can do so here. Do you have an interesting dating story? Share it with us in the comments!

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